tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-352440983111621846.comments2023-06-25T07:59:55.348-07:00The Sound of Hope: An Adoptee's MemoirAnnehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12829597048518840130noreply@blogger.comBlogger33125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-352440983111621846.post-60677707023217119532014-09-11T05:26:19.291-07:002014-09-11T05:26:19.291-07:00Yes, I agree. Arianna needed Noah in her life for ...Yes, I agree. Arianna needed Noah in her life for that period of time in order to mull things over about her life and her choices and to finally realize that Ethan is really the one for her.Annehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12829597048518840130noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-352440983111621846.post-32555596924622263242014-09-10T19:13:18.035-07:002014-09-10T19:13:18.035-07:00Ah, mind reading... It doesn't work for boys, ...Ah, mind reading... It doesn't work for boys, it doesn't work for girls. The house chores, yes, I agree, men do need clear instructions (there are no house elves after all, not in the houses I have been to), but then women need clear instructions for technical stuff (complicated stuff like adding printers, using appliances, and similar). Just because we know it, we expect people we love to know it too, which is not fair. Although honestly now, how can dirty bowls become invisible for men, HOW? You use it, you leave in on the table, it is still there in the evening, how come you don't see it, eh, HOW? But then, as I said in other comments, one can teach someone how to load (correctly) a dishwasher, but one cannot teach someone how to love. Ethan does love Arianna, and in the ends, she realises she loves him AND wants him to be in her life for good. In the beginning, when he moves in, I got the feeling she was just giving in, she was not exactly persuaded this would be the best idea. And Noah proved that. But when she gets the chance to think about her life, herself and her desires, she chooses Ethan again, who thankfully is still waiting. Minahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13148000699685037451noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-352440983111621846.post-54951048900721634782014-09-08T04:01:36.419-07:002014-09-08T04:01:36.419-07:00I couldn't agree more that Arianna wanted Etha...I couldn't agree more that Arianna wanted Ethan to just KNOW what she needed with out her asking. I think it's a dilemma between a all people sometimes, not just men & women. It's a trait in myself that I get frustrated with myself about, that I'll get irritated with someone for not doing what I think they should know I need them to do, or how to do it. Something I am continually working on!Tiarahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17511522028218347560noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-352440983111621846.post-46186957955955538892014-09-05T09:45:29.000-07:002014-09-05T09:45:29.000-07:00First and foremost, thank you for reading the book...First and foremost, thank you for reading the book and participating in the tour!<br /><br />You got it exactly: "Arianna is a mature, independent woman who can survive on her own with or without a man. I feel this sense of her independence has led Arianna to feel that she doesn't need a piece of paper to feel committed to a relationship."Lollipop Goldsteinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01020874415819057995noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-352440983111621846.post-12485679961355805122014-09-04T19:11:08.885-07:002014-09-04T19:11:08.885-07:00I do agree with you that Arianna wanted Ethan to d...I do agree with you that Arianna wanted Ethan to do things independently. I can remember feeling the same way with my ex husband. If I could see it needed done why couldn't he? Through the years I have gotten better about stating my needs but still am not as good as I should be with it.<br />Your post provided some insights I had not considered. ThanksKathyhttp://www.bloomingburghboomer.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-352440983111621846.post-30627148380383364192014-09-04T14:54:30.800-07:002014-09-04T14:54:30.800-07:00"I got a sense that Arianna wanted Ethan to k..."I got a sense that Arianna wanted Ethan to know what to do on his own and do it without having to be asked." Ah this. I have been through many years of personal and couples counseling and this is STILL an issue for me. My therapist has been coaching me through accepting that I need to ask for some things, sometimes over and over again, and that by asking for them I'm not devaluing the doing of them (that is how it feels for me, like if I had to ask for it, it doesn't mean as much when he does it). There is still the petulant child part of me that wants to stomp her foot and say, BUT HE SHOULD KNOW AND DO IT! but she is getting quieter by the year. Hopefully some day, she'll go away completely.Esperanzahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12375150088333673843noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-352440983111621846.post-85107951752334248352014-09-04T09:00:59.286-07:002014-09-04T09:00:59.286-07:00Both of your answers really add to my consideratio...Both of your answers really add to my consideration of the characters, because they are points I hadn't though of. I like the way you see Arianna and commitment/conventionality/independence.<br /><br />I'm so glad you enjoyed the book and that you joined the tour, Anne!Lori Lavender Luzhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15394441222262940632noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-352440983111621846.post-40407029762243578462014-06-27T18:25:55.003-07:002014-06-27T18:25:55.003-07:00This type of jewelries are getting fast popularity...This type of jewelries are getting fast popularity. Women now like this trend. <br /><a href="http://www.moyerfinejewelers.com/tacori-engagement-rings" rel="nofollow">tacori engagement rings</a>Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00817535416301820378noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-352440983111621846.post-34904333219649465912014-02-08T12:52:31.829-08:002014-02-08T12:52:31.829-08:00"Is is wrong for me not to be upset by the co..."Is is wrong for me not to be upset by the commercial?"<br /><br />Nope.<br /><br />"We should not be focusing on what Kay failed to depict in their commercials, after all, commercials are designed to sell, not to educate you about an issue."<br /><br />Even though like you, I was not triggered by the ad, I did feel compelled to address the stereotypes this ad perpetuates. Not showing a more complete view of adoption lends to the public perception that there are things to hide, keep secret, turn away from.<br /><br />http://lavenderluz.com/2014/02/mommyish-ignorance.htmlLori Lavender Luzhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15394441222262940632noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-352440983111621846.post-31966423681085175092013-11-19T07:38:17.338-08:002013-11-19T07:38:17.338-08:00Glad you liked my story! Message me on my faceboo...Glad you liked my story! Message me on my facebook page so we can chat Annehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12829597048518840130noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-352440983111621846.post-30639902855924644182013-10-27T20:06:42.691-07:002013-10-27T20:06:42.691-07:00I just read your book ! I am a "first mom&quo...I just read your book ! I am a "first mom" and could relate to your story so very much. So many of the sixth senses.. I just grinned as I knew you would describe it that way ! I'm looking for a way to email you? I also was able intro my birthson to his great grandma's .. It was heaven on earth ! And gr. grandma is now 100 yr. old. *)~Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-352440983111621846.post-45440072521464745192013-06-19T11:51:15.931-07:002013-06-19T11:51:15.931-07:00Hi again Anne - I nominated you for a blogging awa...Hi again Anne - I nominated you for a blogging award ... feel free to participate! :)<br />http://queenoftheslipstream.blogspot.ca/2013/06/super-sweet-blogging-award.htmlAliciahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15032718306225742021noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-352440983111621846.post-78110445229253876062013-06-15T05:35:33.167-07:002013-06-15T05:35:33.167-07:00Thank you Alicia for your comments. This bill has...Thank you Alicia for your comments. This bill has passed before in NJ, but Gov. Christie vetoed it :( <br />He has a sister who is adopted and this has affected his decision on this matter. It truly is a civils rights issue because I as an adult adopted individual, do not have the same rights and access to the same information as other adult non-adopted individuals do have. Let's hope this time around he approves the bill!Annehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12829597048518840130noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-352440983111621846.post-1236814815446909122013-06-14T23:43:04.518-07:002013-06-14T23:43:04.518-07:00And I just added you to my own blogroll, so I look...And I just added you to my own blogroll, so I look forward to reading future posts! :)Aliciahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15032718306225742021noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-352440983111621846.post-47972890269145182532013-06-14T23:42:26.329-07:002013-06-14T23:42:26.329-07:00I can't even believe that sealing records was ...I can't even believe that sealing records was ever considered to be a good idea. It makes me so sad to know that there are thousands of people out there who are so in the dark - just because a system thought it was a good idea. So sad.<br /><br />Definitely a civil rights issue - how is this in any way fair?<br /><br />I'm glad that they voted in favor of the bill! Aliciahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15032718306225742021noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-352440983111621846.post-68187031018913779072013-05-11T21:10:47.107-07:002013-05-11T21:10:47.107-07:00Hi from the book tour!
Wow. This is a very power...Hi from the book tour!<br /><br />Wow. This is a very powerful post - you hit on so many really great topics that I don't even know where to start!<br /><br />Positive adoption language - Lori's discussion of the adjective vs. verb of the words around adoption were so enlightening. I am a new mom via open adoption and am thankful to have read this only 2 months into my mothering career ... never would I want my daughter to feel isolated b/c of my poor choice of words and this book helped point me in the right direction!<br /><br />Family tree - great ideas hey? I loved this part too. I can't imagine how lonely and misunderstood you would have felt as a child to be asked to "pretend" you shared the same geneology as your adoptive parents. <br /><br />I really liked your discussion of vivid childhood imaginations and the stories that would be conjured up to explain gaping holes. This is not a healthy way to grow up, is it? This book served as a good reminder of this - that age appropriate full disclosure is really the best way to go for our children. <br /><br />Thank you for sharing your experiences!Aliciahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15032718306225742021noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-352440983111621846.post-86730102932915629272013-05-10T18:55:35.049-07:002013-05-10T18:55:35.049-07:00I was so pleased to see that you'd signed up f...I was so pleased to see that you'd signed up for this tour, as I was particularly eager to see how it comes across to those who were adopted. Reading memoirs like yours has reinforced for me that the and/both heartset is the way to go.<br /><br />I'm glad you found the Genealogy Project advice helpful. That pearl of wisdom came from Andy, who is also on this tour (http://todaysthedaytheygivebabiesaway.blogspot.com/2013/05/open-hearted-adoption-book-tour.html)<br /><br />Thank you so much, Anne for taking the time to also place a review on Amazon. Much appreciated!Lori Lavender Luzhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15394441222262940632noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-352440983111621846.post-14760790676308300422013-05-10T08:31:51.588-07:002013-05-10T08:31:51.588-07:00thanks for sharing your perspective, especially on...thanks for sharing your perspective, especially on Q1. <br /><br />this is so powerful and consistent with what I've heard from other adult adoptees: "My birth parents were phantoms to me and the lack of knowledge compelled me to wonder quite frequently and to long to know anything about them. The lack of information represented a piece of me that was missing. I was not complete because I did not know my own history."<br /><br />as a mama through adoption (domestic open) and birth, I am hyperaware of when people make comments about one child's characteristics. I love that we can point to members of our daughter's birth family to see where she got her green eyes or golden locks or other unique abilities. we try to integrate them into our normal lives as much as possible so she doesn't feel that missing piece, even if she may feel loss. and we point to other friends who have birth mamas too, so she knows she is not alone.<br /><br />I love how you describe how everyone wins, how it benefits everyone. thanks for participating!<br /><br />lunahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15455301696832647867noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-352440983111621846.post-18870471960549963312013-05-09T14:37:17.123-07:002013-05-09T14:37:17.123-07:00Hi Anne! Like you, I loved the story about Reed sa...Hi Anne! Like you, I loved the story about Reed saying "because she adopted me." It made me so glad, I kind of did a "yes!" out loud when I read it. :) So much of the pain that adoptees experience seems to stem from the way that, in the absence of openness and acceptance from their parents (on all sides), adoption is internalized as being all about them (in a negative way) rather than about the adults. (I think that internalization is a totally natural thing that kids do, it reminds me of discussions that I've read about kids and divorce.) I really hear you about the feeling of alienation and separation.<br /><br />Your statement that "The original parents benefit because they get to see how happy their child is in their new family" really struck me. What if their child isn't happy? I know that my wife's birth son is struggling right now, and it can be hard for us to see sometimes. Although the adoption is open and we have some contact, did/do we have enough? Is there anything we could do to help? Other first parents have talked about how adoption gives a child a different life, not a better life. That is a good reminder.<br /><br />We've been wrestling with the Family Tree, too. We really want to create something that is flexible enough to encompass all the complexities of our family. My wife remembers seeing a family tree created by a family member (not her parents) when she was a kid. There was an asterisk next to her and her brother's names because they are adopted. It makes me hurt and angry whenever I remember that story.<br /><br />Finally, I totally agree with you that "This book gives you the necessary tools that will guide you to come to your own answers." YES! I appreciate Lori's book so much for the way she models and encourages an attitude in adoption rather than a set of rules. Letting go of fear and rules is a lifelong struggle of mine, so I know I will turn to her book again and again.Lizhttp://www.poemfish.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-352440983111621846.post-29139386134154761602013-05-09T11:52:24.659-07:002013-05-09T11:52:24.659-07:00So glad you are participating in this book tour! H...So glad you are participating in this book tour! Having recently read and participated in Lori's book tour for your book, The Sound of Hope, I often thought about you, your family and your experience while reading The Open-Hearted Way to Open Adoption. As I shared on someone's else book tour post, I am fascinated by the wide range of connections each blogger in this book tour has to the adoption constellation and thus what they took-a-way from reading the book. <br /><br />When awesome books like this are published my heart goes out to all those who wish something like it existed back when it could have helped them and their families during their journeys. It is so wonderful that going forward this book is available as a resource for all those who will benefit from what Lori shares, but I get that reading it is bittersweet for those, such a you and your family, who didn't have resources like this available during your childhood/adolescence being raised during the closed adoption area. <br /><br />Thank you for sharing your perspective on all of this, especially the tangible things you learned, including how to approach family tree projects and Lori's advice to "create the right mind-set and heart-set." Kathyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04175833982955486083noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-352440983111621846.post-19780521102585947832013-05-09T09:27:13.598-07:002013-05-09T09:27:13.598-07:00The Family Tree is one I've been struggling wi...The Family Tree is one I've been struggling with as I try to fill out baby D's baby memory books. Do I include my birth family too? And yes, what to do when the branches don't "work?" Where the heck would we put our egg donor and heck, is there a space for the woman who held him in her belly for nine months? <br /><br />I so agree with what you say here: "this is the book I wish my parents had had when they adopted me and my two brothers." I think my mom would have embraced open adoption if it were an option, pretty sure my dad would not, and as the years progressed, I think my mom started to fear a reunion with my birth mom. The unknown becomes a scary thing, especially if you aren't secure about your own place. I think Lori's book really would have helped her navigate these waters. And I'm seriously wondering if I should share it with her now (but I fear she might see is as a "see, here's what you did wrong... and that's not the intent. <br /><br />I hear what you're saying about women as the familial gatekeepers. Its a role I mostly cherish, but sometimes resent. Like when I was the one poring through paperwork and profiles and giving my husband an executive summary when he got home. At the same time, it is a powerful and can be an empowering role if we choose to see it that way. I need to remember to see it that way. <br /><br />mhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07830332489753742950noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-352440983111621846.post-63449350857980929822013-05-03T07:40:23.239-07:002013-05-03T07:40:23.239-07:00My grandparents meant so much to me, too. I have ...My grandparents meant so much to me, too. I have one grandmother still alive. It's fantastic that my kids get to know her.<br />It's wonderful to have a face for the grandmother you wrote about. Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07165737918653065179noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-352440983111621846.post-29832964778462903832013-04-04T04:47:27.857-07:002013-04-04T04:47:27.857-07:00Yes I have Lori, thank you! I would love to be a ...Yes I have Lori, thank you! I would love to be a participant in any future tours that you organize.<br />Annehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12829597048518840130noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-352440983111621846.post-61949114555507164492013-04-03T20:43:12.608-07:002013-04-03T20:43:12.608-07:00I hope you have connected with some kindred spirit...I hope you have connected with some kindred spirits. I have really enjoyed this group and our subject matter :-)Lori Lavender Luzhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15394441222262940632noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-352440983111621846.post-56368601581403403022013-04-02T13:41:23.443-07:002013-04-02T13:41:23.443-07:00I made a few stops on the tour already today...got...I made a few stops on the tour already today...got pulled away due to EMT calls but I will check back in again tonight. This is my first experience with book tours and I am loving your format and the way that everyone gets a chance to comment at each stop. I plan to join one myself as a participant as I am constantly reading anyway!<br />Glad you are all enjoying my memoir. My main goal in writing it was to bring to light the plight of the adoptee as there are only a handful of memoirs out there that address the issues that I faced. Annehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12829597048518840130noreply@blogger.com