Apart at the Seams Book Tour

Great story-line, wonderful characters....

What a delightful read. This was the first book I've read from Melissa Ford and the story had me so engrossed that I'm looking forward to reading the companion books to Apart at the Seams.

Melissa’s writing quickly draws you into the life of the main character, Arianna, who is a single mother by choice who juggles motherhood, her career in the fashion industry and adjusting to the recent move of her boyfriend into her apartment. Arianna wants to remain single and independent despite pressure from her boyfriend to marry. In addition to being overwhelmed by the demands of single parenting while trying to advance her career, she meets Noah who seems to be the perfect fit for Arianna. They both share similar interests and similar views about marriage leaving Arianna to question her relationship and comparability with Ethan. The story seems predictable at first, and I found myself rooting for Noah along the way, but surprisingly the ending turns out to be much different than what I expected. 

• Arianna tells Rachel, "I think there are people we should be with at different stages in our life, and maybe those stages stretch on for fifty years or maybe they're over in a few months" as a reason for not considering marriage. Do you think not knowing the span a relationship may last is reason enough to not commit completely?

I don’t feel that Arianna has problems with commitment. At the beginning of the story, she asked her boyfriend to move in and planned on being in the relationship for the long run. She wants to have a significant other in her life sharing living space, day to day life and all the responsibilities that come with it. To me that is committing completely. What I feel Arianna has problems with is the institution of marriage.  Just because you get married does not guarantee a long committed relationship. The divorce rate in America is over 50% and many marriages end before the third year. Arianna is a mature, independent woman who can survive on her own with or without a man. I feel this sense of her independence has led Arianna to feel that she doesn't need a piece of paper to feel committed to a relationship. Her life experiences of living and working in the City and being a single mom contributes to her desire to remain committed to a relationship without the need for a legal document. 

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•   It feels as though Arianna would become irritated with Ethan for not doing things she needed him to do yet she often wouldn't verbalize clearly what it was she wanted or needed. Why do you think asking for exactly what you need makes you feel so vulnerable?

I got a sense that Arianna wanted Ethan to know what to do on his own and do it without having to be asked. This is the age old dilemma between a man and a woman living together, whether or not they are married. Many men feel that their partner will automatically clean up after them, pick up the dry-cleaning and clean the toilet bowl every week. If you don't ask them they won't do many of the household chores on their own. As I was reading the story, I wanted to tell Arianna to just tell him what to do! I hate to give all men a bad rap as some men do figure it out on their own and automatically help out without being asked but from my own life experiences and the experiences of many women that I know, men need some nudging. I got a sense that it wasn't because Arianna felt she would lose her independence by asking Ethan to help out, but that she was just irritated that she had to tell him what to do in the first place. I felt frustrated along with Arianna.

To continue to the next leg of this book tour, please visit the main list at LavenderLuz.com.http://lavenderluz.com  

Christie signs Adoptee Birthright Bill!!

It's official, yesterday NJ Governor Chris Christie signed the Adoptee Birthright Bill which will give adult individuals who were adopted in New Jersey access to their own original birth certificate. Access does not start until 2017. Christie wanted to give birth-parents time to contact the state if they want any identifying information removed for their privacy.  What a great compromise! I am so happy and so looking forward to actually seeing my original birth certificate.  What do you think about this new bill?

Kindle Available again!

Wow, Amazon fixed that bug very quickly, very thankful to them for such a quick response.  Memoir is back up and available on the Kindle Website.
Spring is finally here in the Northeast, it's been a long, cold Winter but warmer days are ahead.
Have a great Day today and Happy reading all.

Kindle Version down for a bit

Was just informed by Amazon that it may take up to 2-3 weeks to get my memoir back up and available on the Kindle version on their website.  They are having some technology problems. In the meantime it is still available on Nook (can download Nook app to all devices) and on iuniverse.com for their e-book edition.

Have a great day and Happy Reading!

The ACLU-NJ and their views about adoption

The ACLU-NJ, who opposes the Adult Adoptee Birthright Bill claiming that birthmothers were given the expectation of anonymity. In response to their position, to Carol Barbieri, who last week gave her opinion on how she feels the ACLU is wrong with their stance against this bill,  the ACLU lawyer responded yesterday at NJ.com.  Click here to read the post. 

My hope is that all adult adopted individuals in New Jersey (as well as all states) will have access to their own original information.

Please visit the webpages at NJ.com and please leave your comments on this issue.  Carol's original post can also be found at NJ.com http://www.nj.com/opinion/index.ssf/2014/02/aclu_is_wrong_on_adoptees_birthright_bill_opinion.html

PEAR, non-profit group dedicated to Adoption Reform

Ethics. Transparency. Support. What All Adoptions Deserve

PEAR stands for Parents for Ethical Adoption Reform.  I happened upon their website this morning and agreed with their statement regarding their view on open records for adult adoptees. With New Jersey once again moving forward with the Adoptee Birthright Bill I felt their statement worth noting. I copied and pasted their statement below:

Open Records Statement

PEAR supports unrestricted access to birth records for all adults adopted as minors. We do not believe any citizen should be discriminated against by removing the right to obtain their personal, official documents. We oppose the imposition of contact vetoes, court orders or third-party agency interference with an adoptee's right to access his or her original birth certificate.
Adoption should be about the formation of a family for the benefit and best interests of children, not the destruction of identity. As an organization we will support clean legislation submitted in any state that seeks to achieve the goal of opening records

Definitely an organization I will be looking into.

Poll: Should NJ pass a bill allowing adopted people to obtain birth certificates?

Should New Jersey lawmakers pass a bill that would allow adopted people to obtain their original birth certificates, revealing their biological parents' identity?  NJ.com posted this poll today asking this question. Please take a moment to vote.  I just voted...Yes, of course!!!

Twins separated at birth..Reunite!!!

Had to share this story about twin girls separated at birth.  One was raised in France and England and the other in California, they did not know that they had a twin sister.  Watch the video on ABC Good Morning America. 
Such a wonderful story!

"Search and reunion are not the point. This is an issue of equality”

"Search and reunion are not the point. This is an issue of equality” ....So eloquently quoted by Kimberly Paglino of Upper Freehold, an adopted adult who was present at the NJ Assembly Human Services Committee yesterday where the bill (A1259) was approved. This bill will allow adult adopted individuals access to their original birth certificate.

I am happy this bill got approved again...and thank you to NJ Care for all your time and effort put into supporting and promoting this bill for adopted individuals. However, the bill still needs to go further to the Senate and then again to the Governor. Lets hope Christie will not veto it this time. 

Read the full article here:  Bill opening birth records for adoptees approved by NJ Assembly panel

Kay Jewelers Adoption commercial...mixed feelings...

I saw all the posts yesterday about the outrage on both sides concerning the response to Kay Jeweler's commercial featuring Adoption as a way to promote their jewelry, ...and, I needed a good nights sleep to really think about this one before I posted as well from an adoptee perspective.  I can see how many are upset that Kay Jewelers was being highly insensitive to all parties involved in the Adoption Triad. The grieving birthmother was not portrayed nor was the confusion and sense of loss the infant is surely feeling on an emotional level, even at such a tender young age. Yes, the commercial fulfills all the stereotypes of Adoption and makes it appear as if a couple simply shows up at the Adoption Agency and picks up their new baby while commemorating the event with a new charm. The commercial is all about the Adoptive Parents and making them happy...as usual.

But the funny thing is, this is exactly what happened in my personal tale of my adoption.  I still have to this day my mother's charm bracelet (they were popular in the 1960's) that contained all the precious moments of her life like her birthday pendant, one for her marriage, one for her sisters, her graduation, and yes, there is also the "Mom" one she received after she adopted my older brother in 1962.  Seeing that charm over the years always made me feel happy.  After all she is my Mom.  I know I have another one, the one who gave birth to me but this is the one I know really well and this is the one who is filling the role of my Mom. And I am glad that my Mom received that charm for her bracelet probably in the same way that is depicted in that Kay commercial.  Is is wrong for me not to be upset by the commercial?  Maybe yes, maybe no.

Adoption has many problems and many birthmothers are exploited along with their babies but sometimes a mother still decides not to keep her baby, even without being exploited.  My mother did not want the responsibility at that time of raising a baby.  Was she exploited?  I'm not sure if she was or wasn't.  It was socially unacceptable to raise a baby by yourself in the 1960's...so yes maybe society did steer her in the adoption direction.  Was she sad, yes, she was extremely sad.  She was sad for 23 years until the day I went and found her.  She is no longer sad now that we have a relationship.  But I know she, along with me, is happy that my Mom was there to raise me and I know my birthmother would not be upset that my Mom received a charm to commemorate the event of becoming a mother. If anything, she is glad that I was loved by a caring family. I only think she would have loved to able to have seen me over my younger years, an occasional letter or visit would have been nice. I don't think the "Mom" charm would have upset her though, if anything she felt good to know that the woman caring for me was proud to be my Mom.

We should not be focusing on what  Kay failed to depict in their commercials, after all, commercials are designed to sell, not to educate you about an issue. What I would rather educate people about is the fact that the secrecy in Adoptions still exist.  I still cannot access my own legal records pertaining to my birth, something that every other adult who is not adopted has access to. This, not the commercial, upsets me as the adopted individual in the adoption triad.

NJ Adoptee Birthright Bill Latest News!

Monday, January 27^th
Adoption Hearing was heard before the Senate Human Services Committee
The Birthright Bill was heard before the committee, and it was voted out of committee-- 9-0. It will be sent to the full Senate for a vote. 

Click here to read NJ.com news article

Let's hope Christie passes it this time!